Always Thinking About Something
Well, if I had written this blog yesterday, it would have been a touching story of spending time with my oldest and bonding him with him. If I had written it last night, it would have been about the need to unplug from my online life for a while. If I had written it this morning, it would have been about killing a disgusting bug AND disposing of the body…eeewwww! But it’s Saturday night…
Yes, I spent Friday with Aidan – breakfast, naps, haircut, library, play time with Sean, and a load of laundry. In between, I worked, answered emails, checked Facebook a million times, and took at least 5 phone calls from the office. It was a good day.
Last night, I was feeling zapped…I just wanted quiet (still do). I watched Blue’s Clues with Aidan (I really prefer Steve over Joe). And the lesson for the night was overcoming your shyness. Most people don’t believe it, but deep down, I am extremely shy. But if 4 and 5 years old can put themselves out there with their peers, hell, so can I.
This morning, I drowned a bug in bug spray…and remembered one of the benefits of being married. Damn, I had to kill AND get rid of the bug myself. Ick, ick, ick!!! But, like everything else, I sucked it up and just did what I had to do. I don’t mind admitting that I did it with 5 layers of paper towels and my eyes closed. ICK!
This afternoon, I was lost in my head. Which is scary since I was driving two small children around town, but we survived. My thoughts were all over the place.
What kind of future do I want? (A successful one, of course.) Why do I love music so much? Why do different songs cause different reactions? Am I hurting my children by divorcing their father? How long will I be alone? (Note: I am in no way ready for a relationship – hell, I’m technically still married.) Can I ever overcome my own insecurities to meet someone? I wonder where those people are going? (Yeah, all over the place.) Will I ever be spontaneous? (If you have to ask yourself that, the answer is probably no.) Is it really ok to only have a few friends or should I have more?
Mental gymnastics – that’s the only way I know to describe that. It’s a 45 minute drive home from “The Big City” (Aidan’s term, not mine). And I spent every minute lost in thought.
I don’t really have a purpose to this blog…guess it’s sort of an inside look into me…I’m a little neurotic, a worrier, and always thinking about something.