Grinnin’ Like A Fool…

Everytime I smile for no reason, my first thought is, “What the hell is going on?” But my mama taught me to never look a gift horse in the mouth…so, I’m not questioning it…much.

I woke up Thursday morning feeling……….normal.  I don’t really know what normal means, but I wasn’t at either extreme.  So, let’s call that normal.  My mornings are always a little crazy, and I overslept by an hour Thursday morning, so I didn’t have time to pay attention to my emotional state (which was refreshing)…(Note: I did NOT freak out over having slept late…that never happens…I always freak out…I HATE to be late…)

I realized something was a little different when I just started smiling…for no damned reason…a good song on the radio, a mediocre song on the radio, the first taste of Diet Coke (that almost always makes me smile, though).  It didn’t matter, I was smiling.  I pulled up to the office at exactly 7:30 even though I’d overslept by AN HOUR…and I smiled because I wasn’t late…

Today, the feeling was a little deeper…I worked my butt off, I’m tired, my feet HURT…and yet, I feel good.  I don’t think this is the manic side of a manic-depressive disorder.  I think something has turned…in my head…somehow…

Here’s how I know something is different: This morning when I finished a project, I had a fleeting thought that I wish I had someone to gush to about how happy I was that everything went well. My next thought was, “But it’s ok that I don’t.” And then I moved on…it wasn’t something to worry over, feel bad about, or bring me down.  It was….acceptance.

Caveat: I’ve never had that before, so I don’t know why I wished for it now.  Almost Ex and I have never liked talking about the other’s day – our eyes tended to glaze over – yeah, we had issues…And yes, I have several people who will listen to me talk about work, but you know what I mean…It’s that desire to have someone that you always call, even in the middle of the day, just to say, “Hey, remember this? Yeah, it was good.”

I sort of, kind of believe in signs (ok, I see signs when it suits me, and I ignore them when it doesn’t)…when I got in the car today, the first THREE songs, back-to-back, were favorites: Give Me Everything Tonight-Pitbull, Last Friday Night-Katy Perry, and then my new feel-good song, Good Life-One Republic. And I grinned like a freaking idiot all the way home…

I don’t really want to over-analyze this too much, even though NOT over-analyzing everything isn’t normal for me…and I don’t want to dwell on it, even though I’m a dweller by nature…part of me is afraid that it’s temporary…and part of me is afraid that I’m losing my mind with all this freaking SMILING…And all I really want to do is dance…while smiling. 🙂

About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on June 17, 2011, in Joy, Random, Thinking and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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