Good Grief?

Mom #2 said something interesting to me the other day when we were talking about my potential celebration…she said that everyone grieves in different ways, and that I may still have grieving left to do…and that when I do, it may come out in different ways…I consider her a resource on divorce…she’s been through it herself…so when she talks, I listen…

But…there’s always a but, right?…but, I don’t feel grief…I grieved over the way Almost Ex reacted to this…and, no, I didn’t expect anything positive from his reaction but I never expected what I received…I grieved the month leading up to asking for the divorce because I never imagined I would ever end my commitment to our marriage…

Lately, though, I’ve felt lighthearted…Eebee had me laughing so hard today, I nearly cried…of course, she had help from Monique and Mom #2…but I laughed my ass off…and it felt good…

Yeah, I’ve had my moments of word vomit: here and again here. But in the past week, I’ve felt good…I’ve been able to look positively on my future…I’ve been able to joke about possibly dating, sometime in the future…far, far into the future…

And yet (that’s just another version of “But…”by the way)…I’ve been eating my way through this divorce….I know what to do to keep my weight stable…and I want to lose a little more weight…hell, before Sean was born, I’d lost 88 lbs…yes, eighty-eight pounds…and I lost the baby weight after he was born…I know exactly what to do to…so is this my form of grieving?  Am I doing it through food and so therefore am able to laugh in other aspects in my life? I don’t know…but I know I’m getting very annoyed with myself…

So I’m going to start a new chapter in my life…I’m going to have a love affair…with a treadmill…had you going for a moment, didn’t I? My BFF has agreed to sell me her old treadmill for a low low price…and I will pick it up Saturday…Saturday night I have a date with my treadmill…I’m going to swap an old love (too much food and laziness) for a more recent love (working out, feeling strong, and being healthy)…if I’m grieving with food, I’m done…over it…ready to move on…life is too short and has WAY too much potential…

By the way, Big Brother mentioned something to me the other day that has me thinking…he said I should “date for fun.” Huh? 🙂

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on June 22, 2011, in Independent Michaela, Thinking and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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