Giving Up Guilt

I wanted to blog yesterday, but I was so deliriously tired at the end of the day, I couldn’t remember what I had on my mind…I remember waking up yesterday morning thinking, “Oh yes, that’s exactly it!” and ten minutes later whatever brilliant idea I had was gone…I needed sleep.   I don’t function well on 5 hours of sleep…

So last night, I slept.  And I look forward to repeating the process tonight. 🙂

Yesterday I completed the absolute last step in the divorce process.  The last form was filled out, notarized, and mailed off.  Now I have four to six weeks of waiting… And yet again, I felt…off.  Not depressed, not sad, not anything truly negative, but I didn’t feel like myself.  It dawned on me this morning that what I keep feeling is guilt…

 And I don’t understand, after everything that’s happened in the past 5 months, why I feel anything but relief…a lot of what I feel is probably perfectly normal – grief at the end of this chapter in my life, frustration at Almost Ex (was he really like this for the past 12 years?), loneliness when it gets too quiet, worry over how I’ll do the parenting thing on my own.  There’s still plenty to get through…but I made a decision this morning…

I’m done with the guilt.  Sure, there was plenty I could have done better during our marriage…but that’s not what happened and this is where we’re at…and as bad as I’ve hurt him, there is plenty of blame on his side, too…he’s said point blank he’s ready for this to be over and he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore.  Well, good…at least we’re finally on one accord…

So no more guilt…I’m giving it up.  I have enough on my mind…there’s no room in my life to feel anymore guilt over this…as in so many other areas in my life, I’m moving forward…and I’m excited about what the future holds…

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on July 8, 2011, in Independent Michaela, Moments in Life, Thinking and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Proud of you for giving up the guilt. Even if you backslide do not feel guilty about that. You are soooo in a normal phase of the divorce process. You’re right too it does take two. Sorry I haven’t been around much but you’ve been on my mind and I’ve been wondering how you’re doing.

    The parenting thing?honestly?Most the time I think it’s easier to parent as a single parent. If you took the whole money factor out of it yup much easier.

  1. Pingback: If I’m Only a Watcher | My Blog

  2. Pingback: Forgiveness « One Day At A Time

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