Boys, Men, and Observations

So I’m new to the idea of being single (still not technically single, but you know what I mean)…and I’m a people-watcher, an observer…I’ve made some observations recently based on what I’ve seen for myself and the personal issues of some of my friends…and I’ve come to a conclusion that’s not meant to offend and certainly does not apply to every guy, but here’s what I’ve discovered – Some boys are dumb.

So first, a little side-note: in the past few weeks, I’ve made a decision about how I will handle this blog when it comes to my (currently non-existent and unimportant) love life – without express permission from whoever that person ends up being (a long, long, long time from now), I won’t blog about the specifics of that part of my life.  So just know, that what I’m about to say comes from what I’ve seen in general- some personally, some as an objective third-party…and remember, I’m a thinker…I can’t help but dissect some of what I see…

Don’t make us chase you.  My personal rule is that I’m not chasing anyone – and I don’t expect anyone to chase me.  A lot of what I see is in text – Facebook, text message, whatever.  If a chick initiates a few conversations with you, AND you’re interested in her – return the favor.  If she makes it obvious that she’s into you, just tell her or find a way to let her know.  Have you ever seen the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You?”  Trying to figure out the signs makes chicks nuts.  Forget signs.  Just be straightforward…me personally, I love straightforward – even when it’s not what I want to hear.

Don’t word vomit all over us.  No, that’s not an out for not talking about how you feel.  But think about what you say before you say it.  Some things can’t be unsaid…some words can’t be forgotten, even if they’re forgiven.  I have too many friends who can remember every detail of the moment when their boy said something hurtful or stupid that he didn’t really mean. 

Don’t disappear on us or just stay away all together.  Again this goes back to text – text messages, Facebook, whatever.  If you talk to us one day, and then we don’t hear from you for three weeks, that’s confusing – especially if it becomes a pattern.   Here’s the pattern I keep seeing – random text message from boy, enthusiastic response from chick, silence…two weeks later, urgent message from boy, no answer from chick (who’s fed up), three phone calls and an angry text from boy, argument with chick…If you only make me an option, don’t expect me to make you a priority.

I haven’t paid attention to the world of guys and girls since I was 18 – back when I thought I knew everything, but actually knew NOTHING.  It’s amazing how a few years and a lot of life can give you perspective…I don’t think all men are really boys, but I do think the one’s who act like boys are dumb…I feel bad for my friends who go through crap with boys…I get annoyed when I feel myself getting sucked into crap with boys…

I can’t speak for other women, but here’s what I want – honesty and straightforwardness…the more real, weird, and uncomfortable the conversation, the better (to me).  If you think someone is a cool chick, tell her.  If you’re into her, tell her.  If she’s not responding to it, move on – or stop trying to be subtle.  Some of us (me, especially) are sort of dense when it comes to stuff like that, subtlety is lost on me.

Ok, so, for the  men out there (if any guys even read this – and I have no clue if they do), I have a few questions for you.  I genuinely want to know and I’m asking because, well, it’s my blog and I can…and because I like understanding stuff…note: I’m going to ask these questions, and I don’t really think I’ll get a response but if Ido, I’ll definitely be impressed:

1. Do guys really want girls to make the first move or is that just a bill of goods we’ve been sold by rom-coms and self-help books?

2. If a girl does make a move and you’re not interested, does that make it weird to be around her later – or is that something else that’s all in our head?

3. If a chick (inadvertently) shows her dorky side, does make us seem a little more normal or do you just walk away thinking, “What a dork!”? (Ok, that question is more for me because I have a LOT of dork moments.)

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on July 26, 2011, in Thinking and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Michaela… you do have one male who reads your stuff….he trends the thoughts of females who are actively dating and the choices they face along with the decisions they admit to within their blogs… i’m interested in the decision tree processes dating females make when moving forward through adversity to find love…

    I also offer a humble male opinion on my blog…most of my followers are entirely female… only one or 2 peeps out of more than a couple of hundred females… i’m not always popular… and sometimes I get in a scrap or two…but I’m patient…I’m learning…i’m evolving through knowledge…and careful introspectives about where a woman is and where she longs to be…

    You’ve got a couple of strong ideas that I feel may work against you….however, this is all about you and your journey… I love the path of moderation when attempting to come to terms with people…However, my views on life on the flipside? I overendulge everything I can…I’m spoiled, I want what I want right then and there and I’m still child-like even at 42…so we are all faulty…we all need some guidance… and most of all, we all desire to be loved in the best of ways….it’s part of the human condition…

    I thought I’d introduce myself since you seemed to wonder if any males are following your story… I plan to read more…I hope you’ve got a great story…i’ve read so many and every path is different…

    T.

    • I will have to check out your blog because I love to know other perspectives – whether I agree, disagree, or find something that makes me want to change my mind…and I would be fascinated to know which strong ideas you think might be working against me. Thanks for reading AND commenting!

  2. I, too, have discovered your blog. Your blog is most interesting to read. I was initially afraid to respond. I decided to go back and respond to this one because you specificially ask for comments. Here are my answers:

    1. Boys want girls to make the first move, but they want you to make it look like they made the first move. Men, on the other hand, have no problem telling you how they feel even if it isn’t appropriate. When boys fall in love they are out of their comfort zone and migrate back to where they’re comfortable (their guy friends… or their mothers). When men fall in love they begin to lose focus on everything else. They behave irrationally, they say stupid things,they are overly emotional, and they evaluate everything from the perspective of their own desires. They will chase, the poor saps. Watch the last twenty minutes of the movie My Fair Lady to see that to which I am referring.

    2. In the world in which I live, I would never even notice that the girl is coming on to me. The woman would have to stand naked in front of the video game or get me in a room without a television, computer, or phone. In the first case, how could I reject such a display of… well, anyway, in the second case if I’m not interested I think it would be easy to stay friends. I will never throw out an opportunity to interact with someone who cares for me. Now, if I can’t stand her, it wouldn’t be a problem. How would she get in to make the move to begin with?

    3. I love dorky girls. I love intellegent and dorky girls even more, If I were a girl, I’d be a dorky girl (seeing as I’m already dorky).

    I’m sure The T is going to have great fun with me in a future blog. I’m curious to know which ideas he thinks work against you. I don’t know you very well, but you seem like a young woman who is hurting and has trust issues. That’s pretty natural considering your circumstances.

    I hope I get up the nerve to speak to you again some time. Thank you for the opportunity to help you understand us. 🙂

    • Wow…thanks for actually thoughtfully considering what I asked…and then answering. I love that you differentiate between the boys and the men. People keep telling me to stop saying boys are dumb because I have two boys. I just tell them I’m trying to raise them to be men. And “no one I know,” I hope you get up the nerve, too.

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