My plan for today’s blog was to whine about how sick I am and how miserable I felt all day (when I wasn’t sleeping) and blah blah blah. One trip to the mailbox changed all of that. Almost 6 months to the day I told Almost Ex (now The Ex) that I wanted a divorce, it’s final…it’s official…it’s real.
It’s anticlimactic at best. The heavens didn’t part…lightning didn’t strike…there was no ticker tape parade with fireworks. It’s just another day. I find it hilarious that it’s on a day when I’m the sickest I’ve been in ages.
Of course, the calls and text messages went out to those who are closest to the situation. And they are very happy for me. When I talked to The Ex tonight, he sounded more excited than I am…excited isn’t the word to describe me. Satisfied, relieved…those are good words. Nothing really changes for me right now. Except it’s time to start the fun process of changing my name on everything.
Just like with everything else, I’m not 100% sure how I’m supposed to feel. I know my big fear is that I will end up a cat lady. Everyone assures me I won’t, but I know I’m not the easiest person to love, so I think it’s a possibility that I should consider. And although I worry about being The Cat Lady, I’m certainly not worried about a committed relationship right now. Since The Ex told me he’s in love with his new girlfriend, I’m a little cynical about relationships, as you can imagine.
I’m not woe-is-me…but I’m not ready to run out and celebrate…I think that’s because I’m so damn sick right now. I’ve never in my life felt my glands to know if they were swollen…oh, they’re swollen and they hurt to the touch! I was worried that by sleeping 8 hours today, I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight…that’s not going to be a problem at all.
So tomorrow may be different, and I may be ready for that divorce cake. Mmmm, cake.