Not Winning Mother of the Year

I say that a lot as a joke…when I send Sean to daycare with a great lunch – but no spoon…when I nearly let Sean’s stroller fall into a pond at top speed…when I remembered formula for Aidan but not the bottle (that was years ago!)…

But this weekend, it’s for a completely different reason…I was over being around my boys by 9:00am on Saturday…I love them, adore them, would kill and die for them…but all I really wanted was for them to be quiet…cacophony is the only word I can use to describe my house this weekend…

Saturday, we couldn’t go anywhere because of Bubba, and the whole weekend was pretty much shot because of the weather – thanks Tropical Storm Lee…if we hadn’t desperately needed them, we probably wouldn’t have gone out for groceries on Sunday…but what I really wanted to do was run screaming from my house…

There was a brief reprieve when my mom and The Step brought Uncle Bert…but that was much too short…and I could still hear the noise…I have never wished for anything as much as I wished for bedtime tonight…I’m probably one of the few people on the planet who can’t wait to go back to work on Tuesday…

Both boys want and need my attention…and when they think the other (or anyone else) is getting too much, they crawl on top of me, get in my face, and don’t leave…if I get up from where we’re all sitting, they follow me…Aidan asks for a hug, and then never lets go…and it’s all normal stuff, especially considering the divorce…I know that, but this weekend it was harder to deal with than it should have been…

And I feel horrible about it…Mom Guilt is pretty powerful stuff, and it’s running at full force right now…Intellectually, I know the problem is that I haven’t had a true break in weeks…it doesn’t matter what I know in my head, though, if the guilt gets in the way…

Aidan and Sean really are sweet boys, but between being cooped up for the entire weekend and how I was feeling all weekend, it felt like I was trapped with little demon children who only wanted to wreak havoc and destroy my house…Sean had three separate temper tantrums today alone…crying that lasted at least 30 minutes each time…Aidan pushed every button I have, to the point that he now knows what happens when I finish counting to 5…

I know the “solutions” to my problems…1. Get a babysitter…what do I pay that person with? Magic beans? 2. Move closer to family…um, not just no, but hell no…I couldn’t wait to get out of MS when I left the first time to go to college…I only came back because I didn’t know where else to go after Daddy died. 3. Make The Ex do what he’s supposed to do…if I had ever been capable of that, we’d probably still be married. 4. Stop whining…I wanted this life, so I just need to deal with it…

I don’t have a real solution to the problem, so I guess I’ll go with option number 4…this weekend was hard…and there are plenty of other hard times ahead…but at least I get to leave them with people who get paid to do this someone else for a few hours tomorrow…I never wanted to win Mother of the Year, anyway…

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on September 5, 2011, in Mother of the Year, Raising Boys and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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