Who Am I?

I promise that question isn’t from some meltdown gone wrong.  It’s a question I still don’t know all the answers to…after all these months, I don’t think I’m any closer to an answer…and it’s a little frustrating.

Several months ago, I read an amazing blog post written by my friend Doug Devitre (and yes, normally I would create some cute nickname, but I totally want him to get credit for his blog).  He and I are buds now, but when I first read the blog, I had just met him…after reading it, I felt like I knew him, and he’s definitely a cool dude.  He really gets who he is, what he does, how he does it…the whole thing. 

And I was inspired…I wanted to write a blog like that…so that at the end, a person reading it had a pretty good picture of who and what I am…and I failed miserably…I couldn’t even begin to describe who I really was…past the basics, I mean – mom, check; daughter, check; ex-wife, check (ok, at the time I wasn’t that far along, but you know what I mean)…

That type of blog has become a goal…a big, fat, hairy goal…something so simple and it seems almost unreachable…almost…I do know one thing about myself and I am tenacious with a big, fat, hairy goal…I feel like if I can write that blog (maybe not quite as comprehensive as Doug’s) then I’ll be able to say, “Yes, I know exactly who I am.”

Every once in a while, I start to doubt myself…shocking, I know…I had a great conversation with BBFF tonight…I told him I wanted to be a strong woman instead of a scared girl…he wants it for me, which is sort of comforting…it’s not complicated, it’s not mind-boggling…I think most women want that…

Professionally, I grow stronger and more confident every day…I feel it within myself…the more I learn, the more knowledge I’m able to share with others, the stronger I become…and I love that feeling…personally, though? Hell if I know what I’m doing! I feel like that girl of 18 before I met The Ex who didn’t know what she was doing and was stumbling blindly through the world…and you see how well THAT turned out, right? I’m wiser now, for sure, and definitely more cautious…am I strong?  Probably…you can’t go through hell, survive it, and not come out at least a little stronger, right?

But who am I?  I’m still trying to figure that one out…

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on September 26, 2011, in Independent Michaela, Thinking and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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