The Adventures of the Benjamin Boys
Sean’s Daycare: “Ms. Mitchell, we are so sorry. Another little boy wanted the toy Sean was playing with and pushed him. There’s a red mark on his face.”
Me: “Where? Oh, right here next to the scratch his big brother gave him the other day? Or over here next to the bug bite on the side of his head? Or could it be next to the scratch that he gave himself while he was playing with his trains?”
I think he’s made of rubber…he falls, bounces back up, and never cries…but don’t piss him off, then you can’t make him stop.
Aidan: “Chloe kisses me every day! She says she loves me, but I tell her I don’t love her back.”
Me: “What does she say to that?”
Aidan: “I told her she’s not my girlfriend. Peyton is my girlfriend. But Peyton doesn’t kiss me. Peyton says I don’t love her. And Chloe won’t stop kissing me!”
Me: “Where does she kiss you?”
Aidan: “The playground.”
Me: “Um, ok. Does she kiss you on the cheek?”
Aidan: “No! She kisses me on the lips for a loooooooooong time, like this! [insert long kissing noises here]”
Me: “What do you think of that?”
Aidan: “She’s NOT my girlfriend! Peyton is my girlfriend, but Peyton doesn’t kiss me. [Shakes his head in disgust.] Women!”
He’s six and his love life is more complicated than mine.
Aidan: “Mo-um! Sean won’t stop hitting me!”
Me: “Sean, stop hitting your brother! Aidan, stop whining about it!”
Aidan: “But Mommmmmmmmmmmmm, he’s hitting me again!”
Me: “Sean, stop it right NOW!”
Aidan: “Oooh, Sean, you got SERVED!”
And yet, he won’t move over to the other side of the backseat. Aidan insists on sitting in the middle, next to his brother, where he can be poked, prodded, hit, and a million other things that a typical 2 year old will do to antagonize his brother. I guess some people have to learn the hard way.