My Mom Calls It Purging

That probably sounds pretty bad…let me explain…

Every six months or so, my mom used to go through her house, and if she hadn’t touched it, thought about it, or used it in the past 6 months, she got rid of it…whatever “it” was…I never had that luxury…I was married to a pack rat…a serious, serious pack rat…I often teased The Ex that if I died first, he’d end up on that show Hoarders

Well, he’s gone and I need to move…let the purging begin…

I want a clean slate…I want to start our new life fresh…this is a small step in the right direction…I made two separate trips to the Goodwill store to drop off donations today…the curb in front of my house looks like a rummage sale with all the stuff waiting to be picked up tomorrow…and my house feels a little bit bigger with less stuff in it…

I’m not that person who needs or wants a lot of stuff…I always look at it as that much more that I have to dust, clean, or otherwise keep up with…I’m also not a very sentimental person…I don’t keep cards for years (well, apparently I did because I still had all the cards The Ex had and didn’t take with him – gone now)…I don’t need cheap crap from souvenir shops when I travel…actually, pictures are more important to me than anything…which is strange because I don’t take a lot of them…

But, since I’m purging there are other things that will soon depart from my life…my grandmother’s china and antique hutch…when my grandfather gave it to me as a wedding gift, I wanted it because I thought that married people should have china…and to have something that had been so important to my grandmother seemed significant…now I look at it and think about how I never needed it…never used it…and it represents something to me that I don’t want to be reminded of…both the china and the hutch will go back to either my mom or my aunt – whichever is able to physically claim it…but it will stay in the family, because it should…just not with me…please don’t make me look at it anymore…it doesn’t represent happiness or family or anything like that to me…it’s empty promises…

My next big project – and it needs to happen this month, I’ve decided – is to finally scatter my dad’s ashes…I don’t want to move him again…and I don’t want him to live in my bedroom anymore (talk about an awkward conversation with some one some day in the future…”um, yeah, that’s my dad in the corner…don’t worry, he won’t bother you…” No thanks) He’s been with me through almost my entire marriage…not quite, but almost…once my mom met The Step it seemed a little strange for her to keep him…so he came to me…but now, I need a fresh start…and some things need to be laid to rest…my dad is one of them…

My mom doesn’t want me to go by myself…but I want it done before I move to the next place…but I’m not sure how to ask someone to go with me…”Yeah, would you like to go with me to the cemetery where my great-grandmother was buried?  I’m going to scatter my dad’s ashes there because he loved her like a grandmother (or mom, considering his age in relation to hers).”  Not exactly a fun-filled trip…well, knowing me, I’ll be making inappropriate jokes in an effort not to cry…but I don’t see many people jumping at the chance for that particular road trip…

But I know it’s the right thing to do…it’s not like I can ever forget him…and quite frankly, he gets forgotten in my room anyway…you don’t even want to know how infrequently I dust the little hutch where he lives…

With everything that is removed from this house, I feel a little lighter…with every thing I do that keeps me moving forward, I feel a little freer (more free?)…I think purging is the perfect word for it.

 

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on October 9, 2011, in Independent Michaela and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I love your blog! Very touching… I’m the of the pack-rat persuasion, but I fight against it! LOL If we were real life friends, I’d jump up and ride with you on that road trip, hope you have a goofy friend like me who says “I was just thinking I have never scattered ashes with anyone…” Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think I’ll have to follow you, hope you will check out my blogs as well… I’m new to the blogging game, but I see that we share a love for writing it all down! 🙂 Take care, and nice to stumble upon your ramblings….

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