Working On It

BBFF said something to me today that has sort of blown my mind a little…he said, “I seriously think you need to let go of the old life and move forward with a new outlook.  Instead of saying ‘I never had this so I don’t want this’  why not say ‘I never had this so I can now enjoy something new’.”

That was in response to my complaint that there are so many things I’ve never experienced (that I think I should have), that I’m afraid to want something I can’t have – or that I won’t be able to hold on to it (whatever “it” is) and will be disappointed again…

I’m not sure how to process what he said and how to change my mindset…

I’m working on the small things right now…not counting tonight, I’ve been on the treadmill most nights this week…I’ve eaten MUCH healthier all week…I haven’t had a sweet tea in a few days, and I’ve had a lot more water…I’ve gone to bed at a fairly decent time the past few nights…all of this is because I know if I’m taking care of myself in these ways, then I’m going to feel better overall…

I’m a worrier…and now that I’m able to admit to the world (and myself) that I’m angry and hurt, I have to admit part of what I’m worrying about is a fear of not improving my own life, not moving ahead, of ultimately being rejected…intellectually I know this isn’t true, but there’s this thought of “what if all of this was for nothing, and I am in no way better off without The Ex than I was with him?”

So how I do change my outlook?  How do I start looking on this life as some sort of adventure that’s mine to create and make what I want of it? If I can answer that, then half the battle is already won…

In the meantime, here’s what I’ve got:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a ring I bought for myself last weekend…I adore butterflies…and I realized today that it was the most visual reminder to myself that I need to become more butterfly-like and less moth-like…

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on October 20, 2011, in Independent Michaela, Thinking and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I’ve actually read Stress Relief For Dummies (I mean, come on, three kids under three? I’m not stressed… 🙂 One of the things they say to ‘quit doing’ is having the ‘what if?’ mentality; it will talk you out of everything. Everyone gets rejected at everything at some point (and perhaps multiple times), but BIG DAMN DEAL.. it doesn’t mean that you stop improving yourself. Always strive for improvement.

  2. Since leaving the kids dad I have done many things I was never “allowed” to do and relished every moment of it. Although at first I was like you scared to do it. It is definetly time to spread your wings and fly….butterfly! We’re all here with you every step of the way!

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