I Am Loved

It hit me like a ton of bricks today…I am loved…deeply and thoroughly…by many people…and the love that I receive and give outweighs the love I don’t receive from others…makes it completely irrelevant, actually…

Clearly my mom loves me…I am a 32 year old grown woman with two children, and my mother still loses sleep at night worrying about me…she gives me her time, her energy, and (unfortunately when I need it) her money…as a mom, I know that overwhelming love you have for your children…and when I think of that feeling I have for my boys and apply it to how my mother feels about me, I’m overwhelmed…

My YY loves me…she’s in my corner, righteously indignant on my behalf when I need it, backing me when I look for it, and supporting me in so many ways…all through text message…she’s always been more like a sister than an aunt…the things I couldn’t tell my mom (because she would have killed me), I could always tell YY…

If I had any doubt about the love some of my friends have for me, it is now gone…

Last night was one of those rare moments where friends from different segments of my life came together…

Mom #2 and Big Brother earned those names because that is how I see them and what they have become to me…BBFF is my best friend and perhaps something much, much, much more…last night, they met…and because of their personalities, all I had to do was make the introductions and sit back…

The joke was that I was “bringing a boy home” and so they had to find out if he was worthy…Mom #2 and Big Brother threatened to ask every stereotypical question…what are your intentions? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Do you have a record? And knowing BBFF, he was going to be willing to play along…

Sometimes it sucks being right…in a loving way, they set out to mortify me…and it worked…a few times, I just wanted to crawl under the table…please, please don’t ask him that was a constant thought all night…

By the end of the night, BBFF had their seal of approval…”Michaela, he has a good job, he’s very smart, and he’s good-looking!” That was from Mom#2…and as she pointed out, the complete opposite of The Ex…Big Brother and BBFF were already planning a group outing as we were leaving…I’d say they hit it off (mostly for my benefit)…

If they didn’t love me as a friend, they never would have cared…they never would have paid as much attention…they never would have tried so hard…I love them for it…the force of their love hit me hard today…just like the force of BBFF’s love hit me…

I have no idea if the feelings BBFF and I have for one another are long-lasting…I have no idea what the future holds…and yes, I wish I did know, but what matters is here and now…and for a very brief time, I was enveloped in actual love…not the fake love that people use to get in bed with someone…not the pretty words people say to convince themselves and others of what they feel…real, genuine love…a lot of it is simply a deep friendship…some of it is much more…

I don’t know if I was ever really cared about by a man the way that BBFF cares about me…I don’t remember ever feeling safe and secure with The Ex…I don’t ever remember someone sitting and listening to me talk about what’s important to me with the full force of their attention…I don’t remember ever being so interested in learning as much about someone or wanting them to know as much about me – the good, bad, and ugly…I don’t remember a simple hug feeling so good…

Some things you have to figure out, think about, worry about, chew on, and then decide…some things you just know…I know I am loved…

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on December 17, 2011, in Joy and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Hey! Don’t forget about us ‘blogger friends’! 🙂 Thanks for sharing the positive snip!

  2. a woman like you is very easy to love…. you’re amazing and not just as a mother but as a person who is still out there struggling but you’re trying to make it…you make big differences in lives you touch….your words touch mine…

    T.

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