The Will To Change

Everyone probably needs to change something in their lives…I’d love to meet the person who doesn’t need to…I already know plenty who don’t think they need to change…

I can name several things that I’d like to change…my ability to procrastinate on the things I don’t want to deal with…my inability to save any amount of money, even if it’s just $1 a month (I promise that’s about all I can do some months)…my (new) inability to focus on my own health for more than about 5 minutes – it’s new because I spent 3 years losing weight with nothing more than focus, determination, and hard work…

I think I know what I need to get back on track…I need to rest and rejuvenate…I mean, actually rest…get a real break from work and kids…but I live in the real world…not everyone gets the luxury of taking time away from their lives to refocus, so I’m no different from anyone else…so what do I do?

I have to find the will to make the changes necessary to move forward in a more positive way…I need to remember that the quicker I get through the dreaded stuff, the quicker it’s over…and often no where near as bad as I fear it will be…I have to be willing to not run through drive thru and spend $5 when I don’t really have that money to spend and it’s unhealthy…but it feels like a sacrifice…

I recognize the falseness of that thinking…not having the “luxury” of spending a few dollars on crappy food sounds silly…but it’s a mindset I have fallen in to and I don’t know how to change it…I remember growing up broke and being told no, a lot…I remember getting easy credit in college, feeling like I had money, spending it, paying it all off, and then spending it again – ruined my credit for a few years…I remember being pregnant with Aidan and making about $8 an hour (with no income from The Ex)…

I’m not any different from a lot of people…money is tight for most of the world…what I can’t get over is how not spending money (that I don’t have) is a sacrifice…and then I need to find a way to figure out how to be ok with the “sacrifice” if it means that I save a few dollars or I have breathing room, financially or I eat less crap, which is killing my health…

The first step is the will to change…the next step is the first small step of change…either way, for whatever reason, I’m stuck at that first step…which makes me wonder where my focus, determination, and ability to work hard have gone…why can’t I just strong arm my way through this until I make the necessary changes?

About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on January 6, 2012, in Random, Thinking and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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