Not Sure What I’m Thinking Today

Sometimes my days drive this blog…sometimes I start mentally writing from the moment I wake up…today was a combo…

My head and heart have been in a strange place lately…

I have two competing feelings…one is a feeling of slight betrayal…the other is unappreciation…I do believe that other people don’t make you react, you and who you are as a person causes your reactions…

What the hell is a slight betrayal? It’s a nice way of saying I feel let down by someone who has no clue I feel that way, but if they were paying more attention, they would know…of course, if they were paying attention, I probably wouldn’t feel this way…confused yet?

When I let someone get close to me, I have to bring down my very natural barriers…I have to take a leap of faith that they won’t hurt me (not physically, of course)…I don’t open myself up to people very often…hell, even in my own blog I’m cautious…but I did…I ripped down my own walls for someone, and because of lack of attention, lack of care, lack of thought, lack of something, my heart hurts…and my instinct is to slam my walls right back up, thicker than before…but that person didn’t do anything to me…my own expectations got in the way…

Which leads me to my next issue of the day…

I don’t do things, professionally or personally, because I expect accolades, atta girls, or pats on the back…I work hard, do what’s right, and push through the hard times because that’s just what I do…but lately I have felt extremely unappreciated…

Is it because I have incorrect expectations? If I’m feeling this way, is it me or is it them? (That’s a rhetorical question, of course, because how would you know?)

I don’t know the answers, either…all I know is that I don’t want heartache on top of everything else…but in my most quiet moments, that’s all I can feel…

About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on January 31, 2012, in Thinking and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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