Leaps of Faith

Two posts in one day?!  Crazy, right?

I’ve got stuff on my mind…gotta get it out, I guess…

I admitted to BBFF today that my mind has been unnervingly blank lately…I can’t handle the things that stress me out…because I don’t think I have any control over any of it…so I’ve just stopped thinking about it…

That probably sounds sort of healthy, but it doesn’t seem healthy…because instead of focusing on other things and thinking about other things, I’m literally (and I do mean LITERALLY) thinking about nothing…there aren’t even crickets in my head, it’s so quiet…

But I think I’ve taken a leap of faith (of sorts) that I’ll figure things out as they come up…instead of worrying and stressing about things I have no control over and can’t seem to do anything about, I’ll just try to make the best decision I possibly can when the issue comes up…that almost sounds like I’ve grown up a little…but I think it’s more that my brain and heart can NOT take anymore…it’s a self-preservation thing

Why is it so quiet in my head?  If I refuse to let myself think about the things that bother me, stress me, scare me, and keep me up at night, why can’t I turn around and focus on something else, something positive?  And I think I have the answer, and it’s sort of depressing…I don’t feel like I have any control over my life right now…I can’t do anything to fix the problems…or at least I feel like I can’t…so I feel hopeless…how do I plan for a better future if I can’t figure out the present?

If I can take a leap of faith that I can stop worrying, why can’t I take the leap that it’s ok to plan for the future?

When I figure out the answer to that question, maybe that’s when I can start to move forward again…

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on February 2, 2012, in Random, Thinking and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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