Fear: Making People Stupid Since The Dawn of Time

Big Brother tells me all the time to watch out for fear because it will cause you to do stupid things…I hate it when he’s right…I think about the situations that make me fearful in nearly every aspect of my life…I think before I act, I analyze, I’m cautious…except for matters of the heart…

And I let fear get the best of me…and if This Man that I adore was not thinking clearer than me, I might have scared him off for good…

For someone who stays pretty dispassionate (on the surface, only on the surface), men can drive me to extremes I didn’t know existed…with The Ex, when I was angry, I screamed…and I mean, screamed – people who know me wouldn’t recognize me if they witnessed it…

This Man, inadvertently, brings out my overly emotional and fearful side…it’s not his fault, but he’s the catalyst…

We’ve mostly just talked for the past few months…old friends who reconnected…but at some point, my heart got more involved than it should…than either of us is ready for…and now I’m so fearful of losing him, that if he was a different man, I would have driven him away this weekend…but thankfully, he’s one of the few men on the planet who can handle me…and he admitted to me tonight that he mostly just sighed and thought, “Oh brother…”

Ok, first – thanks dude, really?!  But second, I am so thankful that he gets me…had we been face-to-face, he probably could have snapped me out of it with a look or word…

I’m a typical Scorpio…and, while I’d like to pretend I’m not, I’m extremely insecure when it comes to love and relationships…so, match meet tinder…a small explosion was bound to occur…and I’m pretty sure it won’t be the last…

I’ve pretty much conquered fear on a lot of levels – both personal and professional…this is unchartered territory, and I have a lot of previous baggage to deal with…if This Man can survive some of that (while I survive some of his baggage) we may do just fine…but I’m pretty sure this won’t be the last time I show my ass and then have to eat a little crow and beg forgiveness for my own stupidity…

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on February 21, 2012, in Love, Moments in Life and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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