Hard Choices

I had a hard realization last night…for the first time in my life, I believe there is going to come a day when I have to make a choice between my career and my family…

I see a day, in the near future, when I’m going to be past ready to go back to Mississippi…I miss my mom…I miss BFF…I miss This Man…I miss having a life…the boys need more than just me to influence them – they do so well with my mom and The Step…they barely even know BFF…

I love my job…I found my passion when I got this job…no, that’s not accurate…I knew within 6 months of working for the company that they needed someone who does what I can do…and I decided if they ever got around to creating the position, I would fight like hell for it…and 2 years later, that’s exactly what I did…I fought hard for my current position…and I have fought like hell to be taken seriously and to be damned good at what I do…

But I’m not confident that I’ll find what I do in Mississippi…I don’t have a degree to back me up (yet – but I got plans), although I am a college graduate…I don’t know anyone who does what I do (they’re there, I just don’t know them)…and I don’t think I can stay in my current industry…

I have to face the reality that I may have to decide what’s more important to me…my professional life or my personal life…and this may sound crazy, but it’s a hard decision…since I was 19, it was imperative that I work…there was no downtime, there were no breaks…and I did whatever work I could find – y’all, I was a telemarketer for six months…

I could have had a career in retail management, but under bad leadership and after getting taken for granted for a long time, I took the first opportunity I could to get out…but I took a paycut to do it…a year after that, I was with my current company (and took another paycut)…but this is where I’ve finally had the opportunity to do what I love…the thought of giving it up after working hard to get here is painful…

But the thought of remaining alone and isolated is unbearable…

After a week completely alone, I knew where I wanted to be…I knew what I wanted and needed…but how do I give up what I love for what I need – and the people I love?

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Posted on April 6, 2012, in Thinking and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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