I’m Going To Be More Positive, Damn It!

Sheesh, I really hate it when someone points out something I should have realized long ago…not only do I have to re-evaluate my world, but I have to admit that I’m wrong…

After a long back and forth with someone who matters, I realized that I’ve become waaaaaay too self-involved.  And in a negative way…

Life is hard, waaah…

I’m broke, boo hoo…

My children are (gasp) typical children!

Let me say, it is OK to acknowledge those things, feel the negative emotions, and emote a little…what’s not ok is to do what I’ve been doing – live in that space and never show the world that the positive exists.

You would never know it to read this blog, be my friend on Facebook, or talk to me ever, but Aidan and Sean make me smile and laugh every day…even when I’m in the middle of a mental meltdown about money, life, or whatever.

Sean will look up at me, lower his eyebrows, and glare at me in the most precious way.  He doesn’t get his way when he does it…but I get a chuckle…

I don’t post every single one of Aidan’s mispronounced words, but I laugh at all of them…

Whenever my babies hold my hand, I get goose bumps, because the amount of trust that they feel for me is overwhelming.  I am their Mommy, and that little hand claims me as theirs.

I’ve had a financial burden lifted in the past 24 hours, and it’s lifted my spirits.  It’s freed up space in my head for other things.  And it couldn’t have come at a better time.   I was actually told that based on the perception I inspired in someone, they could actually believe I don’t like my children.  I cried at that.

I haven’t liked my life much…I’ve wanted it to be different, better, easier…don’t we all wish for that?  But instead of looking at how far I’ve come (and we as a family have come), I’ve focused on how far we still need to go…God, I’m an idiot sometimes…

Throughout the diarrhea-filled day yesterday, Sean and I really did have a good time.  I finally got it right for the doctor’s office – we came prepared: water, crackers, Thomas trains – what else could you possibly need in life?  The luxury of spending time with just one child is something I miss…one on one, my children are fascinating…their personalities are vibrant and complex…they’re little people, y’all…Sean is hilarious…he’s a jokester…and if he thinks he’s making you laugh with his antics, he keeps going…he cracks himself up…

All Aidan wanted today was for me to come to his school for the Awards Assembly.  I would not have missed it for the world…I was prepared to tell my boss that life sucked, but I had to go (thank goodness I have a good boss!).  I was excited!  I knew he was still on the Honor Roll, and I had a suspicion he made all A’s for the final 9 weeks.  And I was right!  He did that with very little help from me…sure, I pushed him to complete his homework…but he understood the concepts, he remembered the spelling words, he reads everything he can get his hands on…you’d think we were related somehow, wouldn’t you?  It was an amazing feeling to be proud of my baby for something I had nothing to do with…he did that…

So, all of that is to say, I’m going to take time to focus on the good…does that mean I won’t emote every once in a while?  Of course not, this is my blog, my space, to figure things out…and a little emoting happens sometimes.  But I’m not going to forget the good…and I’m not just going to pay lip service to it…I’m going to mean it, express it, share it…

 

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About Michaela Mitchell

A few things come to mind easily when I think of myself - a mom, a friend, a daughter, a hard-worker. But there's so much more to me - and I just have to discover what it is.

Posted on May 30, 2012, in Joy, Moments in Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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