Making It Up As I Go Along

I realized today – because I haven’t been thinking much about it up until today – that I am making this mom thing up as a I go along…I imagine that’s true of any parent…

No, no, this isn’t some introspective look into my psyche as a parent and what does it all mean, and all that…no, I’m making it up and I have no clue what I’m doing…

The boys whine, and the first thing I think is how much I hate the sound…I understand my father much better now…he would get so angry when I whined…now I know…it’s genetic, apparently…the second thing I think is that I refuse to raise boys who whine…so I raise my voice and get firm…which only increases the whining…clearly, I’m doing something wrong…

When they make fart jokes (as all little boys will, eventually), I’m mortified – I am the mom, ya know…and then I’m embarrassed…and sometimes, rarely, I find it a little funny…and I raise my voice again…they laugh harder…

I switch between wanting to cuddle my sweet baby boys and worrying that I’m raising little wimps and I need to somehow help them man up a little…and yes, I get the irony that they’re seven and three…

You just do the best that you can…and that’s all you can do…my big goal as a mother is that they don’t wind up in jail by the time they’re adults…that’s a good plan, right?