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My Shrinking World

I realized something today…and I don’t know whether I view it negatively or positively…my world has become very small…

I think my world was small long before I became aware of it…

My world is work, home, kids…work, home, kids…I see the positive – I’m focusing on the things that are important…I’m getting better at it all on a lot of levels…I’m not stressing about what I don’t have…

I see the negative, too – I’m not thinking big about anything…I’m not dreaming…I’m not hoping…sometimes, I think the “hope” has been beaten out of me…it’s scary to hope for something…it’s scary to leap…I’m good at solid and stable…I’ve played that role for a long time, and since I’m the only constant for the boys, it’s a role I’ll be playing for many more years…

Sometimes I wish I could jump and hope…screw up royally or be a screaming success, but either way, I hoped for something…that seems irresponsible as a single mom…I can’t afford to screw up the safe, stable, solid life I’ve built for the boys…even if it means my world is shrinking…

If I could dream big and expand my world? Let’s see…

  • I’d own my own business…doing what I love and am good at…I’d get paid to communicate for living…I’d get paid to write…
  • I’d run head first into love…I wouldn’t worry, I would over-think it…
  • I’d travel around the world…I don’t even know where – I can’t think that big yet…
  • I would speak my mind more often and follow my instinct…it all goes back to not over-thinking everything…

No complaints about the size of my world right now…as long as I don’t forget that I’m capable of expanding it…

 

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