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Work, Work, Work

Ok, I have to admit…I might be a workaholic…maybe…just a little…

It helps that I love my job…but even when I’ve worked jobs I hated, I was like this – just with more ‘tude about it.

No matter how busy I get or how crazy the workload might be, I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility to get it all done…and at a high level…no slacking off for me! Even when I’m burned out, tired, and lacking “sizzle” (as someone recently pointed out – thanks Big Bro)…But that’s not really my point…

My BFF taught me (many, many years ago) the phrases “Work to live” and “Live to work”…I’m a “live to work” kind of girl…I like working, I like the sense accomplishment I have at the end of the day, week, whatever…I like getting better and better at what I do…I like being depended upon (on?)…yeah, I’m weird…

I think I need to figure out how to be a little less of a workaholic, though…I don’t want to lose opportunities in my 30s the way I lost them in my 20s…I need to learn how to play more…I’m learning how to be comfortable being alone (that’s going well)…I’m learning how to be more independent (which is awesome)…I guess this is another lesson to learn…

I’ll take any and all advice…

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The Power Of A Good To-Do List

I’m tired, exhausted, weary, droopy, flagging (I looked up “tired” on thesaurus.com)…I’m at the end of my rope…I just want to lay down and sleep…I don’t have that luxury.

It’s so bad (and apparently, I look so bad) that the first thing people ask  me is, “Are you all right?”  And the answer is, “Of course, I am.”  And I am.  Some moments are harder than others, but I’m fine.  Sure, there are moments I’d like to give in to self-pity…last night, I did.  But for my own sanity, I can’t stay in that place…I have to shrug off the crap and move forward.

The worst part (this week) has been the feeling of paralysis…I have so much going on – professionally and personally – that its impossible to know where to start.  It took an enormous effort each day just to figure out what to tackle – and then get it done at my usual pace.  But I did it, and its taken a toll.  Now I’m on my 138th wind of the day…

Then I did something very simple…it’s so simple that I don’t understand why I didn’t do it on Monday…before I left the office today,  I made a to-do list for next week.  Ok, so it’s two full pages and it looks overwhelming.  But when I get into the office on Monday and I start getting things done, I can cross each task off the list…and ta-da, a sense of accomplishment is born. No more paralysis…

So tomorrow (not tonight because I can barely keep my eyes open), I’ll make a to-do list for the house.  And slowly (verrrry slowly), I will cross things off the list.  I won’t try to do it all in one day…but I will achieve a sense of accomplishment – which is MUCH better than feeling stuck in one place.

I’m a single mom with little-to-no help from Almost Ex, so there’s not much I can do about the tired thing…but I won’t let myself be overwhelmed to the point of paralysis anymore…it’s too draining…it’s too time-consuming…it’s not worth it.  I won’t give in to self-pity even though it would be easy to do…I will keep doing what’s hard (but right)…I will move forward, do the best I can for my boys and my career, and get to the other side of this period in my life…because I don’t want to imagine the alternative.

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