I guess the first post of a new blog should be the why-am-i-doing-this blog. So here goes…
On February 13 I told my husband of nearly 9 years that I no longer wanted to be married to him. My timing has never been great but the day before Valentine’s Day was bad, even for me…I broke his heart, I up-ended his world, and in his words, “I did this.” It wasn’t the best moment for either of us, but it was the right thing for me. Pretty selfish, I’m sure, but it was the first time in my adult life I made a decision that was good for me and no one else.
I’m not going to dwell on the past and this blog is NOT a forum for husband-bashing, divorce jokes, or anything else that dwells on the negative.
What I had been learning prior to my decision, and have become convinced of since then, was that I had no clue who I was anymore. At 19, I took on the role of Responsible Adult and never looked back. I worked, married, kept working, had babies, kept working, and never looked up to see if what I was doing was helping or hurting me…yes, ME. Everything I did was to benefit someone else – my husband, my children, my friends, my family, my co-workers, my boss, random people who didn’t know me, you name it.
When I found myself in a situation I never wanted to be in, never thought I would be in, and knew in my heart was the wrong place for me to be, I woke up. I was jolted awake by reality, actually. It’s almost never a good thing when real life intrudes on what you’re doing…it usually means you weren’t doing the right thing.
After months of soul-searching, and getting my professional and personal life in order, I made decisions…hard decisions. The end of my marriage was the most momentous of them all. In one fell swoop, I affected countless lives but most immediately, the lives of my husband and children.
I could dwell on what went wrong in my marriage – what he did wrong, what I did wrong, why it’s not going to work anymore. I’ve been through all of that…with my husband. I see no need to re-live it in a blog that will stay on the internet forever.
I’m one of those people who has to “talk it out” when I have something in my head, something I need to figure out. And right now, I’m figuring out who I am as a single mom – a single woman. My family is small, my friends are few (by choice), and even they get tired of hearing it. So I decided to start a blog to “talk it out.”
I don’t know quite what this blog is yet. But I know what it won’t be – it will NOT be where I re-live the past and the negativity of my relationship, my divorce, and the mistakes we both made in our marriage. I am moving forward and this blog is meant to chronicle my new journey…