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Always Thinking About Something

Well, if I had written this blog yesterday, it would have been a touching story of spending time with my oldest and bonding him with him.  If I had written it last night, it would have been about the need to unplug from my online life for a while.  If I had written it this morning, it would have been about killing a disgusting bug AND disposing of the body…eeewwww!  But it’s Saturday night…

Yes, I spent Friday with Aidan – breakfast, naps, haircut, library, play time with Sean, and a load of laundry.  In between, I worked, answered emails, checked Facebook a million times, and took at least 5 phone calls from the office.  It was a good day.

Last night, I was feeling zapped…I just wanted quiet (still do).  I watched Blue’s Clues with Aidan (I really prefer Steve over Joe).  And the lesson for the night was overcoming your shyness.  Most people don’t believe it, but deep down, I am extremely shy.  But if 4 and 5 years old can put themselves out there with their peers, hell, so can I.

This morning, I drowned a bug in bug spray…and remembered one of the benefits of being married.   Damn, I had to kill AND get rid of the bug myself.  Ick, ick, ick!!!  But, like everything else, I sucked it up and just did what I had to do.  I don’t mind admitting that I did it with 5 layers of paper towels and my eyes closed. ICK!

This afternoon, I was lost in my head.  Which is scary since I was driving two small children around town, but we survived.  My thoughts were all over the place.

What kind of future do I want?  (A successful one, of course.)  Why do I love music so much?  Why do different songs cause different reactions?  Am I hurting my children by divorcing their father?  How long will I be alone? (Note: I am in no way ready for a relationship – hell, I’m technically still married.)  Can I ever overcome my own insecurities to meet someone?  I wonder where those people are going? (Yeah, all over the place.) Will I ever be spontaneous? (If you have to ask yourself that, the answer is probably no.)  Is it really ok to only have a few friends or should I have more?

Mental gymnastics – that’s the only way I know to describe that.  It’s a 45 minute drive home from “The Big City” (Aidan’s term, not mine).  And I spent every minute lost in thought.

I don’t really have a purpose to this blog…guess it’s sort of an inside look into me…I’m a little neurotic, a worrier, and always thinking about something.

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