Bet you didn’t know I’m a mean Mommy, did you? Yep, that’s me…Mean Mommy. I wear that title pretty well, and I’m pretty damned proud of it.
Sean ratted me out at daycare this morning.
Sean: “My mommy made me mad this morning. She made me cry.”
Daycare: “How Sean-Sean?” (Gotta love that everyone calls him Sean-Sean now…)
Sean: “She made me cry because she wouldn’t listen to me.”
This is the same child who ended up at the office in a time out because he was so bad for his teacher today. Sweet Sean-Sean? Yes, I know, I was shocked too.
He woke up crying, because Mean Mommy made him get out of the bed and try to use the potty. Mean Mommy also made him put on clothes, socks, and sneakers. Mean Mommy gave him a banana for breakfast and couldn’t pull the coveted Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Poptart out of her butt (that’s what happens when little boys get a hold of the Poptarts while Mean Mommy is sleeping on a Saturday morning)…
And that “she won’t listen to me” line? Straight from Aidan…
Aidan (sobbing): “You aren’t listening to me, Mom!”
Me: “Well, tell me again. Help me understand.”
Aidan (wailing): “You don’t understand me, Mom!!!”
Me (confused): “Help me understand. Say it again.”
Aidan (sobbing and wailing): “You just don’t get it!!! You never listen to me!”
Me (annoyed): “WHAT don’t I get, Aidan?!”
Aidan (sniffling): “I didn’t want pizza, Mom.”
Oh holy hell, really?
Mean Mommy makes Aidan do homework, eat dinner, and shower before watching Netflix (no more cable) or play on his Nintendo DS. Mean Mommy requires that both boys pick up (most of) the toys each evening. Mean Mommy doesn’t tolerate whining, complaining, backtalk, attitude, lying, and not listening.
I think I like Mean Mommy…
I heard a little sound behind me.
Me: “You pooted, Sean-Sean!”
Sean: “No, I farted, Mommy…”
And then I heard it again…
Sean: “Where’s Aidan?”
Me: “He’s in the bathroom, Sean.”
Sean: “You mean he’s in the potty, Mommy.”
Oh, I thought we were using the proper words for things today.
Sean: “Are we going to the washing car today, Mommy?”
Me: “No, we’re not going to the car wash today, baby.”
Sean: “It’s the washing car, Mommy. It’s called the washing car. Say washing car!”
For the record, I did not say “washing car.”
Sean: “Where are we going, Mommy?”
Me: “We’re going to pick up Aidan.”
Sean: “And then what?”
Me: “And then we’re going home, Sean-Sean.”
Sean: “Yaaaaay! Yay!”
Sean: “Don’t say ‘yay,’ Mommy. Don’t say it!”
His vocabulary exploded about two months ago…but its his thought processes that are the most fascinating. I don’t remember Aidan being like this at Sean’s age…so I have to assume it’s relatively unique to Sean. It’s kind of fun talking to him…
A week into this whole potty training thing, and I’m pretty sure there’s no real progress to speak of…last week, the potty sat in the corner largely ignored…until this past weekend…
Sean (and I) finally remembered the damn thing on Sunday…he pulled it apart, threw the pieces-parts around the living room, and yes, put the potty seat on his head again…
I finally remembered a couple of tricks from the last
debacle lesson from Aidan’s potty training days…take off the diaper! And make sure the mop and carpet cleaner are close at hand…
Sean did not like having his diaper removed for no apparent reason…until he felt the air down there…then he pulled up the bottom of his shirt, held it around his stomach, and roamed the house…there’s nothing like watching the baby dance to Thomas songs, bare-assed…shake it, baby!
I couldn’t get him to sit on the potty, though…I even used a little brotherly rivalry…Aidan was such a good sport and sat on it, while I pointed out that Big Brother was sitting on the potty and couldn’t Sean sit on the potty? I am so glad there were no witnesses…
And then it happened…the fascination with the privates…each other’s that is…Aidan almost couldn’t help himself…so I had to make him help himself…it’s awkward enough to watch a two-year find it, realize it’s there, and fall in love…its even worse when the six year old realize he’s not the only one with the privates…
The potty chronicles continue…and I keep wishing I had paid more attention when Aidan was going through all this…
Aidan: “Aw dang it. I swallowed my tooth.”
He said it so matter-of-factly, as if he was telling me the sky was blue or the sun was yellow. And then he turned and a dawning look of horror came into his eyes.
“The Tooth Fairy!?!?” His eyes welled up, and the familiar whine that is Aidan’s cry started. Aw crap. We have to get ready to go. I still have to get Sean ready. There is NO crying today!
“Aidan, I promise. I swear. Cross my heart and hope to die. The Tooth Fairy WILL come tonight.”
“How do you know?”
“I will call the Tooth Fairy and let her know about your tooth. I might have to leave a voicemail, but I will let her know.”
I needed him to get dressed, eat breakfast, and get to the car. I was willing to say ANYTHING to convince him that the Tooth Fairy would come tonight. Why did I go into so much detail with him? It’s the downside of having a really smart kid.
Aidan: “So you’re coming to Muffins with Mom today, right?”
Me: “I’m going to try.”
A couple of hours later, I arrive. It took a few minutes before Aidan met up with me in the cafeteria, but he was a happy, snaggle-toothed little boy.
“Mommy, mommy, let’s get our muffin and juice!” Mommy? He hasn’t called me that in ages.
When we were done, I walked him to his class. He looked at me, and we knew what the other was thinking – the goodbye hug. He looked at me. He looked at his friends. He looked at me. He looked at his friends. He walked to his friends. Yep, it’s happened. Too cool to hug mom in front of his friends…I knew this day would come. Dammit.
Sean: “Mom! We watch Thomath?”
Me: “Yes, Sean-Sean, we can watch Thomath, I mean Thomas.”
Why is the baby calling me Mom? He’s only 2! And where did he learn the word “awesome?”
Sean: “I see you! I seeeeeee you!”
He’s under the dinner table, bored with his nuggets, wanting to play. Every time I look at him, he giggles. Every time I ignore him for more than 30 seconds, he whines.
Sean: “Kiss me! Kiss my head! Kiss my nosth! Kiss my teeth!”
Ok, dude, even I have my limits. I am NOT kissing your teeth. Even if you weren’t drooling all over the place I wouldn’t do it.
Six days away from them, and I think they grew in that time. They look a little different. They seem a little smarter. Sean has an exploding vocabulary which is much different than Aidan at that age. Aidan is reading almost anything he sees – even words that I don’t think he should be able to read yet. They are my amazing Benjamin boys…